One's first reaction is to obviously comb through One's thoroughly confused mind and think back through weeks of activity, attempting to remember the last time One interacted with a chicken, let alone violated its rights.
When enough shock has worn off and One genuinely cannot think of where the basis of the CPRCs accusation lies, One begins drafting a reply letter asking for the reason One is being falsely accused of such an offensive action.
While putting the finishing touches to the reply letter, One spots a telephone number for the CPRC on their letterhead and decides to make a call, hoping that perhaps speaking with someone would clear up this ridiculous misunderstanding.
However, after eight minutes of waiting in a telephone queue (listening to an incredibly soothing piano version of Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini) for the next operator to become available.
One is finally connected with a Human Being, only to be told by a bored voice at the other end that the office was to close for the weekend and that One should call back on Monday morning or write a letter.
THE
VOICE THEN ENDS THE CALL WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE!
Horrified,
One adds a complaint to the reply letter to the CPRC about the unacceptability
of the voice's rude telephone manner.
Upon crossing the road from the post box towards One's drinking establishment,
One contemplates whether reprimanding One's nephew – who had grown rather fond
of asking “why did the chicken cross the road?” – was the reason the CPRC had
written the letter...?
Ella Roberts,
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