Spicy food and I have never gotten along – anything that deliberately sets out to ruin my experience of food is never welcome in my mouth!
So I was at a party and after the courtesy greetings and meetings, I slithered over to the food table when no one was looking.
Since I am a sucker for chips and dip, I quickly sighted the said items sitting prettily in the middle of everything.
Predictably, I picked the biggest chip, topped it with a generous amount of dip and greedily scoffed it with little shame.
At first I thought the room temperature had gone up, but when my body's entire liquid content started oozing out of my eyes and nose, I didn't know whether to spit or swallow.
So I coughed.
And the hostess flew over to roll me away from the food table, squeaking something about the other guests getting nervous.
Then she chased me away when I tried to return and completely banned me from the vicinity when I tried to argue.
Openly sulking in the corner, I attempted to fob off a heavily accented gentleman who was desperate to sell me net curtains... until his wife turned up carrying two plates.
She had been standing behind me when I got banned from the food table, so I feigned interest in what her husband was saying, hoping she would be so kind as to hand me one of those plates – instead she dug into it!
I had to leave... hungry, unhappy and with a lingering burn in my mouth!
This is what happens when I am around spicy food.
Ella Roberts,
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