NEW YEAR, NEW ME!

I have tripped and fallen right into that “new year, new me” trap again!  You know the one where you make half-hearted promises to yourself to finally lose weight… while dozing happily into yet another holiday food coma?
     Of course I promised to quit the fatty, salty, sugary treats cold turkey right after the 1^st of the New Year, and guess what I was doing while actually lying to myself?  Yes, stuffing the forth piece of fatty, salty, sugary treat into my mouth.
     This only goes to show just how much self-control one loses to overindulgence every year during the holiday season, its tradition!
     So the 1^st of the year has come and gone, and I have had to live up to my promise... yes, the rude awakening came when I started fighting with my husband for HIS clothes, which I have taken to wearing because mine don’t fit anymore, and I refuse to buy bigger clothes.
     This is just getting more pathetic isn't it?
     Anyway, my first clever decision was to join a gym, which has always intimidated me but by God I did it and so far I have not regretted it.
     My second clever decision was to invest in a particularly tight (and unnecessarily expensive) cocktail dress that only my left arm currently fits into, as motivation.
     Now let's see just how long these investments will keep me on the straight and narrow path of clean eating and exercise.

Ella Roberts,

www.ellasbooks.blogspot.com

 

THE CHAOS VALENTINE WOULD FACE!

Having (thankfully)  survived another Valentine's Day, I took a moment to observe the chaos that  ensues every year in every country by all its residents, whether or not they are  in a relationship.
     Since there are those who think  Valentine's Day is just another commercialized holiday designed to empty yet  another week's wages, I think that it's about love – celebrating the people in  one's life who one loves and cares about.
     That’s sweet right?
     Well you would think I'd declared war  on America's sweetheart for the amount of hissing spittle spouted my way when I  expressed this.
     I guess I should prepare to be outlawed  next year by both the “I hate” and “I love” Valentine's Day groups who only ever  join forces against the likes of me.
     So I was also thinking...
     What if Valentine was a living person in  today's world; She/He/It would probably need to be accompanied by twenty-four  hour security due to the sheer strength of peoples' feelings towards Him that  are apt to change depending on the weather.
     Now when one is in love and happy with the  world, Valentine would be celebrated with giddy joyful praise, showered with  gifts and rewarded with invitations to every A-list party – only one of which  She would attend of course.
     But when one is broken-hearted, bitter and  despising of every word in the English dictionary that begins with or contains  the letters L, O, V or E, Valentine would suddenly turn into a putrid, puss  oozing enemy with a hefty price on Its head.
     I sure wouldn't wish to be Valentine or  even someone named Valentine on Valentine's Day!
     I also wonder how those Bulls in Spain or  Mexico cope every year with all that red flying about?

Ella Roberts,

ellasbooks.blogspot.com

 

BLOODY RESOLUTIONS!

We are now a few weeks into the New Year, when resolutions prove to be slippery little animals.      In the spirit of celebration one tends to make commitments that seem valid at the time... until it is time to put them to work.
     Then, all sorts of alterations begin to seep in and before one knows it, there is an entirely valid excuse as to why:

          - “Another glass of wine won't hurt...”
          - “I'll quit smoking on Monday...”
          - “I can't be on a diet because so and so's event/party/birthday... is coming up.”

Notice how New Year resolutions always come with giving up the good stuff?
     And they wonder why nobody sticks to them!
     Sure I make them too (mind you it's always when I am justifying choosing the “moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips” option), but mostly it's to be socially accepted while being treated to free appetizers – I know I have no backbone, don't judge me!
     This is why myself and a few other sorry individuals have devised a list of the top ten reasons why “New Year resolutions Should Absolutely Be Broken”:  

          10. It hurts too much.
          09. I was drunk when I said it.
          08. My husband/wife still loves me anyway.
          07. I can buy bigger clothes.
          06. Isn't it important to be happy?  Food makes me happy.
          05. If I live too long my kids won't get the insurance money!
          04. Who wants to wear a speedo anyway?
          03. I'm already the smallest one of my friends.
          02. If I look any better my spouse will demand sex more often.
          01. If Kim Kardashian can get away with that ass, so can I baby!
 
Now, do you feel any better about breaking your resolutions only 42 hours in?
     I sure do!

  

Ella Roberts,

ellasbooks.blogspot.com