I have tripped and fallen right into that “new year, new
me” trap again! You know the one where you make half-hearted promises to
yourself to finally lose weight… while dozing happily into yet another holiday food
coma?
Of course I promised to quit the fatty, salty, sugary
treats cold turkey right after the 1st of the New Year, and guess
what I was doing while actually lying to myself? Yes, stuffing the forth piece of fatty, salty, sugary
treat into my mouth.
This only goes to show just how much self-control one
loses to overindulgence every year during the holiday season, its tradition!
So the 1st of the year has come and gone, and
I have had to live up to my promise... yes, the rude awakening came when I started fighting with
my husband for HIS clothes, which I have taken to wearing because mine don’t
fit anymore, and I refuse to buy bigger clothes.
This is just getting more pathetic isn't it?
Anyway, my first clever decision was to join a gym, which has
always intimidated me but by God I did it and so far I have not regretted it.
My second clever decision was to invest in a particularly
tight (and unnecessarily expensive) cocktail dress that only my left arm
currently fits into, as motivation.
Now let's see just how long these investments will keep me on
the straight and narrow path of clean eating and exercise.
Ella Roberts,
We've
all sighted (and tried to avoid) those personal trainer types who loiter
outside health food stores, scowling judgmentally as one glides guiltily into
an adjacent fast food joint for a post-burn burger and shake (since they each
look like they've never tasted a donut in their lives, I choose to interpret
these glares as envy).
A friend of a friend's ex-girlfriend's cousin decided to hire a trainer because
he was getting married and didn't want to look tubby in his tux, so his
housekeeper's forth husband's uncle recommended a trainer he had been using.
When trainer lady found out the dude's finance had a bigger gut than he did,
she offered a 21% discount for 24 sessions.
On day one the stick and balls went to the park where she put them to work so
hard they temporarily forgot what breathing silently felt like.
Both men felt burns in places they had long lost touch with but neither would
allow themselves to cry in front of a girl.
Deciding to tough it out turned out to be a mistake when their lower limbs gave
way and she forced them up by yelling and helping them lose their desire to get
married.
Mad at each other, the two beaus decided that she (devil) was not the
right match for them; they preferred Zumba.
And although they'd paid for 24 sessions, they called to tell her not to
return.
Next morning she turned up at their house and didn't leave until they'd
completed their 24 sessions and hated women even more!
Both men collectively lost 62lbs and out of fear respect for Personal
Trainer Lady (even though they never saw her again), neither man dared to put
the weight back on.
I ask you again: DVDs? Gym? Trainer?
Ella Roberts,
